Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
