for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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