i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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