This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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