Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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