Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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