Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
