i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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