This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize