Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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