i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
