why didn't you poke me back
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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