you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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