yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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