Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
