I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
