i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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