i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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