Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
