Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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