Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
