I could make wine with my vomit
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
