is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish i was in the wii world.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
