Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
third nipple confirmed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
