Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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