it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
