I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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