lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
