I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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