five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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