New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
