North Korea, Best Korea!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
