You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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