dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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