maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
