She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
