i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
