He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can text with my tongue
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
