i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
