I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
