yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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