The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What drink are we having for lunch?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
