Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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