I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
