why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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