you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
