don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
