you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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