just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
