God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
