I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
