Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
