i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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