The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
