I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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