where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
