he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
