awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize