from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
