So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
