Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
