My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
