Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
