She announced her abortion via fbk
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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