Your tits are I can't wait for
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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