we have pet lesbian snakes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
