you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
