he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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