If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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