I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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