watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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